Gluh!

So today was the first day of classes, needless to say I was a little bit nervous never having taught any of these subjects before, but thanks to singing I find myself well versed in the International Phonetic Alphabet, which is the majority of what I am teaching (only slightly altered to fit the British pronunciation of everything, or the "regular pronunctiaon" RP as they call it here). I arrived to school at about 7.45 thinking I had correctly noted where and when my classes were. 15 minutes after class was scheduled to begin there were still no students, so I hustled down to the secretaries offices where I jabbered out something in broken french and she printed off the NEW version of my schedule and to my surprise my class had already begun 30 minutes earlier and in a different room. I hauled ass up to the other side of the building and stumbled through my first lesson, it was dismal to say the least, but probably not as bad as I think. I ended up running over and letting the next class in late and then this afternoon had to teach another class that i didn't even know I had yet since it was added to my schedule which I can't access yet because I don't have an account at the university since I'm still waiting for my paperwork to be processed and for my name to be imputed into the system (for the time being I am John Langosa...I inherited his schedule from last year).

Needless to say I am tired and frustrated, I seem to have spent the majority of the last two days in English so my french sucks. I came home today to find out that the package my loverly mother sent me is being held at customs until I send a statement saying exactly what is in said package and that I do not intend to sell it...oh the french, you really piss me off today. So for the time being my ice skates are being held hostage somewhere in France. Also I still have no access to my bank account here because even though I have received two notices from my bank with my account number and online access number, and my super secret code, I sitll have to wait for another piece of paper to arrive so that I can sign it and send it back via mail so they can in fact verify where I live....seriously, you have got to be kidding me...so I have no access to my French money.

I'm finding myself very wary today, and I guess it's a type of wariness that only other travelers or people who have moved far away and left everything behind can understand. It's just this sense of homesickness, but I don't know what for. I guess since I'm settling into my more permanent routine now it really feels, well, permanent. The gravity of how long I'm really going to be away and how hard that's actually going to be now that the newness has worn off is intense. It's strange though, because I don't miss texas, I don't want to live there again, and I just don't quite fit here yet, and it's exhausting to feel so outside, and with so few friends. I guess I'm homesick for the feeling of belonging, it's funny because on the doorstep of a grand life change you find yourself very wide eyed about your life and all the experiences you are going to have, and while those do come and they do happen there is still everyday life in between, and that my friends, can be exhausting. France is france, and it's lovely here, but it's still just everyday life only in a different place, one where I don't belong yet. Its hard traveling and seeing all these wonderful things but then turning around to realize you're alone and no one else is there with you. It's difficult to find yourself on the path from who you used to be to who you are becoming, It tends to be a rather lonely place I'm finding today.

So I've opened a bottle of wine and am considering some pasta and "friends" to maybe cheer me up. Any inspiration is most appreciated, as I find myself quite blue today and a bit sub-par. C'est la vie, as they say here and really everywhere, but yes, it is life, hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I love you, and I really miss you,

Sarah

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