Approaching the finish line...

Here I find myself, 13th of March already...when did that happen? Life is running smoothly these days, I am starting to get responses back from all of the feelers (as in requests for work) that I have put out to over 25 universities here. I have a job interview next week! Do keep your fingers crossed for me, I am hoping that something will work itself out. I am slightly nervous for this job interview as it will be conducted half in french, half in english...that seems a little daunting. I've been trying to spend as much time in french as possible lately to get my ears in shape for said interview, I also have a coffee date with my bi-lingual friend charlotte who is going to prep me for the interview and help me practice my french skills. I find lately I can say whatever I want and be understood, but you always run into difficulty the first time you say something you've never had to say before in another language...after you've been forced to say it the first time, corrected, humiliated and walked home like a sad puppy with your tail between your legs, you teach yourself how to say it the right way, memorize it and never have trouble saying it again:) Sound fun? I'm over exaggerating really...but somedays are better than others. Anyway I'm trekking it way down south next week for said interview, spending the night before in town just in case there are any problems with my train, as the SNCF (that is the name of the french railway system) goes on strike the day before I need to be there...oh France.

Speaking of strikes, I enjoyed a nice long WALK to and from my place of employment this last wednesday due to bus strikes, which are now officially off thank god...2 miles to work and 2 miles back in the freezing ass cold is no fun. Equally not as fun, riding a motorcycle in said freezing cold...I long for spring, and cute dresses, and for the days of wearing double pants and undershirts to be behind me, it's like living in Indiana again, accept with fiercer wind, and no car:(

I'm starting to feel a lot better now that I've been getting responses to some of my employment requests, making me feel a lot better about next year and giving me some confidence. I look forward to actually having something nailed down so I can relax a bit and not worry that I find the end of the semester rapidly approaching. I am so looking forward to leaving for the US in two and half weeks, and spending 16 blissful days in my mother tongue. Nothing beats it, although I do secretly fear for the level of my French when I come back after said 16 blissful days of no french...I should probably bring some books with me...

My good friend Susan is arriving in France on Friday of this week, so I am looking forward to seeing my first american (not my first, but the first one of MY americans that I've seen since being on this side of the pond) since december. It's always so good when your "family" comes to visit, it's like they bring a little piece of you back. I've been spending a lot of time lately in self reflection (running 5 miles a day will do that for you) pondering the mysteries of life, the mysteries of sarah...blah blah and I'm finding myself all put back together for the first time in a long time. I've discovered that self confidence, that self assurance that only comes when you are feeling totally whole and at peace with yourself and the universe in general. Knowing that somehow, or feeling in someway that the universe has got your back, and everything is going to end up where it's supposed to, including you (geographically speaking). Even if I don't get to stay next year, it will all be ok...there are still many more adventures I need to seek out in. I know that the end is still far from sight, but me being me, I tend to pre-anticipate what will be my future (something I don't think I'll ever be able to let go of...no matter how much I practice living in the moment) and it is with such a touch of sadness that I will be leaving Tours; be it for another job or to go back to the states, this was the place that I put myself back together for the first time in my adult life...I think I've finally achieved moving past the "big girl" stage and have graduated to real "adulthood." As I watch all my other friends my age move on in their lives, have babies, get engaged, get married, even getting divorced, I look around and find myself wondering when it was that we all grew up? It's like mustard really...all my life I was a ketchup kind of girl, I wouldn't go near mustard, I hated it...wine could also be a good analogy here as well, but I already started with mustard...anyway, one day I woke up and decided to try the mustard and realized that I loved it...something had just changed. Anyway, what I'm trying to very inarticulatly say is though I think I'll always be a kid on the inside, I have really come to appreciate this new palate I have for all the tastes of life that have always been around but that I didn't have the good sense to be aware of. Adult life comes with a lot more worries/responsibilities/etc but with it also comes a deeper and more profound sense of awareness and appreciation for all that surrounds you and passes you by, that you had not the time in your earlier years to stop and appreciate. So today as I sit here with my third cup of coffee writing to all of you, I raise my glass to all of you, each in your own walk somewhere; and I encourage you to just stop long enough each day to take it all in, and appreciate yourselves for everything that you've done that you never stopped to realize are the bits that make you incredible. Here's to you, and to me. Vivez vos propres rêves! (Live your dreams)

I love you, I miss you.

Sarah

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