Note: It is pronounced Eden "borough" not Edin "burg." This is a mistake I am continually making about every five minutes as I write from my friend Ben (otherwise known as Angel Delight...a lovely British type of sticky sweet pudding) 's sofa as I await the arrival of my other Green Tortoise friends for our reunion party.

If winter in September, a sky that jumps between sunny and depressing and light persistent drizzle tickle your fancy, than by god mate England is the place for you. I took off from Grenoble at about 5.45 in the morning on Thursday...my flight that I had previously purchased the week prior was cancelled at 9.45pm the night before I was supposed to leave on my jaunt to jolly ole' England...and bused it up to the train station where it would be a 3hr TGV ride to Paris, a metro ride across Paris, a Chunnel train over to London, a walk up to Euston station and then another train (that was then delayed, cancelled, changed and then delayed again) and I finally arrived to AD's house in Carlisle England. I really don't think there is anything I can't handle these days.

Ben and I promptly hugged it out at the train station and then headed to the local Curry buffet where there was not only five different kinds of curry to choose from, tandoori wings, vegetarian samosas and a proper pint of beer. Needless to say I was a very happy panda. Ben and I headed off to the local pub and then back home where I had a delightful 11 hour sleep:)

The next morning Ben and I decided the best course for the day would be to head up to Scotland for the afternoon, because, well, because why not? We looked up trains that were all booked, so we hoped into the car and started our jaunt up the highway and many country roads. The green up here and the light, is just simply amazing, I found myself staring across rolling green foothills in patches of different color, shadows casting down from the sun's reflections on the clouds, and wanting to take a stroll up the hill as I was somehow magically transported to the lands of all my favorite period movies and novels. All I needed was a bonnet and horse to complete the scenario. Unfortunately I ran into a bit of trouble because my French bank card had been frozen (due to the massive amounts of spending and money withdraws in the previous days no doubt) and my poor bastard of an American visa didn't seem to be any good because I didn't have an oh so special european microchip in it (this must be what people without the microchip passports feel like when they get denied access to travel these days).

We finally made it up to Edinburgh (note, when mapquesting something in England, just add an automatic hour to the trip, highways in this country suck...however it does make for nice scenic driving with the windows down and the heater blasting...since it's already winter here by the way, I'm freezing...whilst singing loudly to broadway showtunes and the moon casts down on you:) (The showtunes were necessary after the Ghost Tour that we took down in the vaults of Edinburgh under the city where they used to hide the bodies they snatched from graves to give to the medical school...creepy).

Ben and I purveyed our surroundings and decided the best course of action (after I had sent my obligatory postcard to my sweetie pie) was to buy tickets to the Ghost Tour and then eat at the "Baked Potato Shoppe." This being a vegetarian only shop, I opted for a baked potato drowned in English baked beans and shredded cheddar cheese, of course first after having heaped several slices of thick butter onto a golden salted potato. I also opted for a samosa stuffed with Haggis (mmmm) are you salivating yet?

We wandered up to the castle, which was situated on top of the tall mountain, making it look almost as though the mountain had sprouted a castle rather than it having been built there. Dating all the way back to Medieval times, there's just nothing better than walking around the grounds imagining yourself as a medieval soldier being shot at from the towers. The fact that I can reach out and touch things that are damn near a millennium old is a pretty powerful feeling. Staring at the crown jewels, the crown of which is rumored to have been made from the melted gold of Robert the Bruce's crown (dating back to the 1300's), diamonds the size of your head and sword and scepter that were handled by the kings of old as they anointed all the crowned leaders of Scotland over the last several hundred years, it's just, well there's just no words for it, when your'e standing there looking at history. Wow. just wow.

We took part in a lot of the street performances, men dressed as vikings, local bag pipers...I had so many great videos of all of this, but alas my camera ate them all...including my favorite video of me rolling steam roller style down the hill in the princess gardens just outside the castle. It was such a perfect hill for it, I couldn't resist laying down and giggling all the way down the hill, I also felt the urge to yell out "AS YOU WISHHHHHHHHH!!!" It was a truly great day:). Finished off by our Ghost tour of old Edinburgh, which is said to be one the places in the world with the highest level of paranormal activity. We started off at the Mercat Cross, the oldest point in the city where all royal declarations used to be made from, and still are actually, also the site where all public torture was carried out. I naturally volunteered Ben to be made a public example of for the demonstration of public torture, so he was given 39 lashings, nailed to the Mercat Cross by his ears, then deafened by being ripped off the Mercat Cross (leaving said ear still nailed up there) and then later on he was suffocated to death before his body was sold to the local medical school...they got good use out of him:) Heard all kinds of great stories about torture, ghouls and ghosts, and Finally toured the vaults below the city (where I only screamed once:).

Today we're sitting around waiting for the rest of our Green Tortoise friends to join us for our mini reunion (as not everyone can make it this year due to scheduling conflicts) and relaxing under an overcasty sky. Heading back down to France on Monday and my first day of work will be on Wednesday, be thinking good thoughts for me!

I love you, I miss you.

Sarah

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Well, it's been an interesting 24 hours back...

I had amazing summer in New York, so amazing in fact, that I didn't want to come back, I didn't want to come back to France and live in an apartment with a frenchie who speaks no english, with a view that overlooks the Alps at sunset, and teach at a job where I only work 3 days a week and I can have 4 day weekends on a full salary to travel...yup, that's how good my summer was.

But, many many tears later, here I am, in said apartment, with said frenchie, having overlooked the sunset on the Alps, and I found myself talking to God.

The thing about coming back was, the fear of it all, the fear of being alone, the fear of leaving someone I had really fallen in love with back at home and coming back here to do it, on my own, for the first time ever. If I'm being brutally honest, which I am, last year was amazing, but it was a year of the unknown, a year of partying, a year of massive travel and a year of jumping from relationship to relationship, because that's what you do when you only live in a foreign country for a year. This year, is totally different, this year is about learning the language better, training for a marathon, finishing my thesis and deciding what I want my next step into life to be after this. I know these months will fly by (I've already got a trip to England planned next weekend, a trip back to Tours the weekend after, and the possibility of Oktoberfest the weekend after that) and then I'll be into my third week of teaching and it'll be October already, and hopefully I'll have a lot more of my thesis written.

I spent the summer in New York connecting with old friends, getting really in touch with my old creative side, working at a shit job that I hated, eating, drinking and falling back in love. It was amazing, I spent a lot of time on my own, I spent a lot of time learning the city...but I did come to realize that the city will always be there. But what I loved the most about this summer, was how easy everything was. I feel like there isn't anything I can't do, I really do know now, that I am a powerful creator; conversely, we all are, we just have to decide what we want...however deciding is half the battle. I found myself asking so many people this summer, "what should I do..." rather than sitting down and thinking about it myself and deciding what it all "means." Now don't misunderstand me, but no means do I expect to have any idea what even half of it means anytime soon, I just know that I need to do it on my own. I'm going to be really brave now and write the journal article I wrote tonight in my book as I was watching the sun set over the alps and talking to God...

"Day 2, well night 2 in Grenoble; plunging feelings of sadness have lessened and I got exactly what I was longing for...Alone time. I'm sad but only because I miss him so much, so now I'm "home" but not waiting for him to come home, weird. Glad I made plans to go to England and glad I have plans to go to Tours the weekend after that. This is going to turn out to be the experience in self awareness that I needed last year. I think K's book (a friend gave me a great "eat, pray, love"-like book for my birthday) will help. I know I made the right choice because I feel so sad, so I'm afraid, so I know that I am feeling what I know I've been needing to feel for ages...I just can't go running back to NY because it was easier because there were people there. I'll get used to this. Everything will be ok. I find myself staring at the mountains in comfort tonight talking to God; knowing somehow this can't be wrong, because I remember at some point wanting it so much...I want to be comfortable in my own skin again."

Ok, so maybe that doesn't seem like a lot for me to say out loud, but that was hard even to write down.

Things that have made me laugh so far since I've been here:

My roommate picked me up last night and took me straight to a swing dance class in France, where I was a better dancer than he was, and I got a crash course in the fact that I will be speaking WAY more French this year than last year (thank god).

I got my new teaching schedule and I only teach 3 days a week and have lots of time for vacation. My first thought was "awesome I can travel," my second was "fuck, I need some friends, that's a lot of alone time."

I went to the store to buy laundry detergent, and came home with fabric softener and had already done a load of laundry before David pointed this out to me.

I have managed to successfully not cry since I got on the plane...well I did mist up a little bit when I put out all my photos and NY paraphernalia my boyfriend bought me for my birthday.

My french is hella better than it was last year...I could do whatever I needed to do today without much complication or mis comprehension...how in God's name I managed last year is still beyond me.

Grenoble, is already freezing, and all my fall/winter clothes are about 300k north in Tours...good thing I'm going there soon.

I forgot how much I missed starting off the day with a pain-au-chocolat instead of a bagel from the bagel store (not that those aren't amazing either, god I miss jalapeno cheddar bagels with cheddar and bacon cream cheese).

My roommate didn't make me pay for the whole month in this apartment since I wasn't here the whole month, bonus for me!

On the other hand he laughs at my accent at about every other word that I say, so I'm paying for it anyway:)

French trains are awesome, until someone steals your favorite cowboy had you've had since college and the really awesome hat you bought in NY that was sitting underneath it...what does a French person need with my hats...stupid frogs. I'm still pretty sad about that.

I only had one suitcase and one backpack as opposed to last year's two; how I ever managed to get all the way to London to Tours with both those huge bags is beyond me. I wanted to die twice yesterday.

I can officially sleep on public transportation. Not well, but hey it's better than feeling like total crap when I get here.

This university is so much cooler than my last one; far more organized (I have my list of classes and teaching materials a week before classes start), everyone is so nice (I can use the informal greeting with all my colleagues), it's in the freaking Alps. Done and done.

So being back doesn't quite feel like I'm so far away...I mean I feel far away in general because I don't know anyone here, but that will change, as life always has a way of doing. Thanks for sticking with me, thanks for loving me, thanks for all your messages and your support...it means more than you know:)

I love you, I miss you,

Sarah

Grenoble Photos:)

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