Snow

I’m sitting in the dark living room of my house, my roommate is away somewhere, I’ve turned all the lights off. There’s nothing to hear but the tick tock of the clock and the rattling inside of our heater. The snow is falling outside. I like when the first snow that sticks is at night, it kind of gives the world a soft glow about it, almost like everything is painted in sepia because of the way the lights reflect off of all the perfect white. The flakes are big and fluffy, like giant balls of cotton falling from the sky, one after the other taking up all the sound so that you can’t hear a thing; the world is silent.

It’s moments like this that always seem to take my breath away, and moments like this that always seem to ache in a strange way that I’m not used to. Whenever I see something so breathtakingly magical like this I always want to have someone to share it with, or sometimes it takes me back to my favorite memories from a life in which I’ve been so blessed to be so showered with happiness.

There’s something so special about the first snow of the season, the way it seems to wipe everything new, and the perfect scene it creates before anyone has had a chance to walk on it. I on the other hand, always feel the need to go out and play and revel in it, because it’s been so long since the last chance I got to see it. I guess I always think it’s so special to, because it’s finally a marker of the beginning of the season when I know I’ll get to see the people I love most in my life. Living so far away from everyone now has put a completely different perspective on things, mostly on all of my relationships. Some of which I’m not surprised to have lasted, others with whom I never expected to be so close.

I've come to realize is just how lucky I am, and I wanted to take a moment to send out my thoughts of thanks to you and to the universe slash divine creator in general. Sometimes, even in Europe, it's easy to get down on ourselves, a lesson I’ve been painfully learning these last few months spent on my own. But when I get down, what’s really gotten me through it is remembering that I have been so blessed by such happy memories and happy people in my life.

When I saw a magnificent scene to revel in like tonight, and the ache came, it surprised when a flood of happy memories instead of a wave of sadness came with it. In fact right now I can't really do much accept sit here with a smile on my face as I reflect back through all I've done, everyone I've been and who I'm becoming.

I think I’ve gotten better at mastering the art of loneliness, because it is an art form. Sometimes when you're trying on new skin and a new place, you need look back on all that you've been; it always brings me back home. Laughter, love and friendship really are the best gifts; and this holiday season I am most thankful for those. I am thankful for my wonderful family, both genetic, old friends, and new found souls in Europe. I am thankful for all the love in my life, and I am thankful to each and every one of you for how you contribute, or have contributed to me in the past. So in the spirit of the season I send to all of you, the very best of what you have given to me, my love, my thoughts, my prayers; sometimes feeling at home has nothing to do with where we are, but who we're with. For all of you that I've ever been able to find a home in, thank you, I love you.

It’s coming down even harder now, so much so that I can barely see the outside but for the snow.

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